The Vince McMahon + HBK feud took the night off this week, so that it could make room for the current Kane going insane angle. Vince and Shane did take some time to visit a church to film a tape segment which can be seen here.What better way to scout your opponent for the next ppv than by going to the place where the guy lives. (Worked for Abyss). Vince making himself at home went on to break about 3 or 4 commandments to the degree in which you were waiting for lighting to strike him down. Shane, being the more god-fearing of the two, backed up a couple of feet for this when Vince directly called for the Lord’s wrath.
Vince went on to make comparisons between him and God. As God created Adam and Eve, Vince created Stone Cold and Hogan. God had a disciple in HBK (or maybe Jesus for two), Vince had a disciple in Shane (created from his own super sperm). Vince then read off his commandments and looked to the heavens for the Lord, who was busy running the universe.
Kane and the Big Show express crumbled this week as the two big lugs were not able to recapture their tag belts from the Spirit Squad – the first 5 man tag champions ever!!. Kane, whose movie is opening soon, must be getting the butterflies in the stomach, or better yet voices in the head that tell him that on May 19 everyone will know that he is a monster. Kane sold this mental dementia like he had a bad case of the shits. Kane’s mental state fell apart at the end of the tag belt championship match as he destroyed the spirit squad and the referee. Shownan told him to chill but the giant was choke slammed after a couple minutes of grappling about who’s bigger.
Carlito proved that he is a very smart guy by continuing his spit on the face of people were not cool policy. Carlito declared he was on a crash diet after shedding 290 pounds of dead weight called Chris Masters (heh). Masters not at all pleased to be compared to a Jenny Craig plan came out ask Carlito about all the times he swerved him in the past months, which is up to about 26. Carlito said that some of incidents were too old to be remembered, thus don’t count (double heh). Carlito than said he could break the masterlock. Masters being the dumb lug fell for this. Thus, were on for a Masterlock challenge. Carlito being as inventive as MacGyver refuses to let go of the apple in his left hand. Masters seizes the apple, giving Carlito enough time to clobber him in the head with a metal chair. Carlito 27, Masters 0.
The main event featured the team of John Cena and the wrestling aristocrat (HHH) vs. Edge – all by himself. Edge was pounded through out as he stared at the corner looking for the Conquistador #2 to tag in. Cena eventually got the STF on to make the R-rated – snakes on a plane, superstar submit after he was pedigreed by the wrestling monarch, much to Lita’s displeasure and ours.
Highlight of the Night – Vince commandment #3- Thou shall not stick his son’s face up the boss’s ass.
1 comment:
OK, I have to ask this rotten question. If Stone Cold and Hogan are Vince's Adam and Eve, which one is Adam and which one is Eve?
Now that I've scarred everyone for life and ruined their childhood heroes, lets discuss the Kane going crazy again angle. Speaking of being scarred, wasn't the last time Kane started to act crazy when he was feuding with Triple H? You know the bit I'm referring to. The one where Triple H was dressed as Kane and pretending to have an "intimate evening" with the corpse of Kane's "ex-girlfriend"? Possibly the most disturbing bit ever to occur in Professional Wrestling.
If you know a bit that can top that, let me know. I've never seen its equal.
Finally, who's brilliant idea was it to come up with a squad of wrestling cheerleaders? And why isn't this person dead yet?
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