Hey did you hear? The WWE will be having an ECW ppv this Sunday! What do you mean you know? Oh, right the company has sold this event with the subtly of HHH swinging his mallet. This was very apparent last night with the Head to Head show on USA (AL Snow is in charge of naming wrestling specials now). Swerves were made, long rambling speeches about bingo halls were given and announcers spent the whole show arguing and putting one another in TAZmissions. JR’s cowboy hat has never got this much mike time before.
No WWE vs. ECW show could take place without a lot guys clubbing each other in the ring at one time. So in order to control the proceedings, the powers that book decided to hold a battle royale with WWE wrestlers on one side and ECW thugs on the other. WWE spearheaded by four star general the Big Show pumped the wrestlers up, telling them to put aside their differences, such as Finlay making Lashley kiss King Booker’s boot on Smackdown like the peasant he is. The Big Show speech was so rousing I was pumped.
ECW was led by human suplex machine Kurt Angle who yelled about integrity and intelligence. Who knew he would be right about the intelligence part?
When the match started you first notice that the WWE guys are much bigger the ECW people and what you saw was probably the most god-awful royale with lots of cheese ever. Nothing made sense, Nuzio was eliminating guys twice his size and what not. When the smoke cleared only Angle was left with pretty much the whole WWE roster in the ring. He then went into suplex mode tossing out everyone except Randy Orton and the Big Show. Orton took out a distracted Angle for the win.
Or so you think.
General Big Show stood up ripped off his RAW shirt to reveal an ECW tee. Orton nuts then hit the ground. The former Big RED one tossed out the legend killer for the win. Thus, the new wrestling law was born that if you wrestle for a company you must have your undershirt inspected before the match.
The night would not be complete though without a Foley-Funk face off of old man wrestling. This carnage took place during the Tommy Dreamer-Edge match, who by the way looked they were old man wrestling as well. The Funker and Foley would playfully mix it up at the end of the match. What followed was classic story time with Uncle Mick as he recounted his dangerous acts in the past and that they would be reenacted this Sunday. Come On pony up those ppv dollars.
The main event featured John Cena vs. Sabu in a what do I do now match. One can’t put on consecutive wrestling moves, while the other can’t move literally. The lack of ring action was made up by the four announcers calling it. They spent most of time arguing and fighting with another. This was a good thing cause JR was quiet all night, no matter how many times Joey Styles mentioned his barbeque sauce.
Whew.
In non-ECW ppv news, the HHH’ster was forced to join the Mr. McMahon Kiss my Ass Club on RAW, so that he would learn the lesson of don’t mess with big man. To move things along Shane drugged HHH’s water the some sort of date rape drug, so that the father and son combo could have his way with him. Disturbing you bet! A picture is worth a thousand words so here you go.
leading to....
You can pretty much fill in the events from there.
Kane now haunted by his clone for another dimension faced off with his Doppelganger in a boiler room. The shorter Kane-prime, (for you comic book people) dispensed with his genetic companion to continue the story for another day.
In TNA news, JJ will be moving on to king of the mountain after taking out Raven from the proceedings. Samoa Joe explained why he turned his back on Sting by saying the match was over. DUH. I went to take a shower. The Dudleys’ turned in a hysterical promo and A.J. Styles and the fallen angel got their rematch against AMW. I say it should be a beers on pole match.
Highlight of the Night: (Not an exact quote but close enough):
Joey Styles: I want to call wrestling matches not sports entertainment. I don’t want to call a match with Finley’s leprechaun.
King: What Leprechaun? What are you talking about?
Styles: Finlay has a leprechaun on Smackdown. Watch the damn product King!
1 comment:
You forgot about Foley's heartfelt speech about how ECW is the nasty girl who treats him bad and yet he can't let go of her. He was ranting about how Tommy Dreamer is Foley's equal in hardcore sadism, Terry Funk is a god like man that doesn't love him anymore, and that Edge and he are prepared to take the beating of their lives. I was really hoping that you would recap the speech, because...
...well, because I was in the can. Hey, when nature calls, you gotta answer.
But unlike, me, Foley was spewing crap from his mouth, talking up the whole "I'm a WWE whore" angle. I mean, that's just wrong. Just because Foley pulled a sock out of the crotch of his sweatpants and then made Vince McMan "happy" while he was lying in bed...
...and then got lucrative WWE contract...
You know what? Nevermind.
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