Chock Full of Ass

This week was all about the behind in the wrestling world. You saw the Coach's ass, midgets' asses and a King of the Mountain match ending that was ass. What brought on this plethora of buttocks to your television monitor? Let's start with the return of 2/5th of DX.

The official DX reunion was this week, but with Billy Gunn and the Road Dog being involved in a "Bingo Hall Brawl" on the TNA Slammiversy and X-Pac being well you know not allowed to wrestle for the betterment of humanity, the WWE put together what was left of DX, the acronym asses, and let them go wild with their antics.

And what antics they were.

SLIME!

The Spirit Squad fell for the old "You Can't Do That on Television" bit by saying I don't know in the ring. Pouring from the heavens as if God himself deemed this wrong, the slime came, washing away the impurities of these cheerleading asses.

The high school antics weren't done yet. Word got out that Stephanie was pregnant and the proud grand dad Vince went running to welcome the birth of the fake child of the man that he is feuding with. Makes sense to me.

Antic #3 involved putting the Coach's head through a wall and spray painting DX on the assistant GM's ass. More NWOish than DXish, but they did it with a smile and oh yeah it was also really gay as well. I don't need a discussion about the Coach's thong.

The topper was bringing out a set of midgets dressed like the Spirit Squad, beating them up and having the pee wees' take down their pants to reveal the two words they all want us to say.

HHH's and HBK's comedy act had hit a Martin & Lewis level of genius. Abbot & Costello only dreamed of such comedy heights. HHH was so proud of the act he had this to say in the back. Now it's Man Law!!!!

Sabu brought the leg drop this week, in what was an outstanding leap from the top rope. Sabu placed John Cena onto the TV annoucers' table and jumped on the top rope from a chair in the ring. When Sabu reached the rope he stopped ordered a pizza and leapt onto Cena's dead husk of head.

This scene would carry over into ECW the next day, with Cena challenging Sabu to some confounded weapons lumberjack match at Vengenance. How can you use weapons unless the lumberjacks throw them in? This already sounds like a stinker roo of an idea for the ppv this Sunday.

Slammiversary was also in town this week, marking the fourth year of TNA's existence. The main event was the long debated King of the Mountain Match. Skipping most of the match due to my not seeing it, Jeff Jarret reclaimed the title he loses and wins every 3 months with the help of Larry Zbyszko and Earl Hebner.

The crowd sensing the on coming 3 months of a Double J title reign belted the ring with anything they could find. Cups, programs, and Spike Dudley. The new face of TNA management Jim Cornette would step in and void the title cause of the assiness of the ppv ending. Leaving many questions open to whose pants that belt will hold up for Thursday's airing of Impact.

Kevin Nash competed in his second X-Division match ever by defeating Chris Saban, thus completing his 3 Keys to Life. Big Daddy Cool brought every move out of the closet but it was the interference of little buddy Alex Shelly on what seemed like 99 different occasions that really sealed it up.

Samoa Joe beat Scott Steiner. I mean the guy called Joe a fat half breed. He was going to get murdered.

Team 3D defeated the James Gang in the "interactive" match of the night as the TNA website called it. This meant that the crowd was carrying weapons. Team 3D did cross unknowingly into the Spanish announcing table, which Konan and LAX has deemed as New Mexico or no admittance for gringos por favor. Thus Team 3D were pounded till they were back on TNA soil.

The funniest of part of the AJ Styles/Fallen Angel vs. America Most Wanted match for the tag belts was crowd chanting "Brokeback Mountain". AMW would take the ass pounding and drop the belts. UGH. Chock full of Ass this Week.

Highlight of the Week:

Macho Libre: OH YEAH!!!! SAY EVERYTHING TWICE!!!
SAY EVERYTHING TWWWWW.......IIIIII.....ICCCCEEEEE!!!!!
SNAP INTO IT!!!!