Handle with Care

My favorite form of black Friday Christmas shopping is online. The array of disingenuous deals coupled with the outright brutality found at brick and mortar outlets at 4 am leaves me a little bit cold (literally your balls can fall off waiting for a circuit city to open). Good thing for me, I'm lazy. I like the anticipation of a package coming in the mail and the danger of having my identity stolen. Let's face it, where else other than on the Internet can you get a Wii for triple its retail price, opened and coming with a copy of excite truck that has peanut butter on the bottom of the disk. Apparently though my package of Spirt Squad is on route.

If you missed the low lights this week, the now comically aimed DX teamed with Ric Flair, best known for just about anything to do with wrestling, to fight the Spirit Squad for the 45th time this year. The match which did feature one spirit squader having his butt firmly flying off Kenny's head, ended with DX picking up the win stretching their record to 38-2-5 against the cheerleaders. Were not done with the squad just yet. HHH (Martin) and HBK (Lewis) gathered up the squad stuffed them in a truck and mailed them back to the WWE's minor league the OVW. In terms of getting them over all I got to say is:

DAMN!
Bet you knew that was coming.

Team Rated RKO, who are now married at the hip for being the bestest of buddies, would not stand for this humiliation of heels and the death to a lame gimmick. They proceed to show DX who's boss by making Flair...


bleed....a lot. I think he can recover guys.

RAW sputtered on with Eugene showing Hacksaw Jim Dugan just who is the crazy retard of this place. Yes its let see here...2006 and were watching a Hacksaw Jim Dugan match. Cryme Tyme beatup a Michael Richards looklike. You know? For the hood. The Hardy Boys reunited extremely to extreme fight Team Rated RKO for the extreme tag titles which they lost extremely. Edge even brought up all the extreme times he extremely beat Matt and Jeff. Touche.

Speaking of extreme. What about the extreme elimination chamber match . It will now feature Pods! No not Ipods but little bubbles holding weapons I think. I'm not sure of this because the manner in which they describe it is so extreme, by which I mean vague, that I think the end result will be the end of a 3 stooges bit only with chainsaws. I'm sure one of the pods will have the most extreme item of all Kain's unrated DVD version of See no evil with the original title "Eye Scream Man!" title.

At Survivor Series, King Book-ka was unceremoniously dumped from his throne by the brute Batista. The Smackdown kingdom is now in shambles. You can see Kennedy being buried alive by the Undertaker and the Bogey Man stuffing dead worms down the Miz's face. Ok that's a good thing. So now Batista is champ, let's just hope this run lasts longer than his run on "Smallville" where he was incinerated by the Martian Manhunter after about 10 minutes of screen time. You know I hope the same thing happens this Friday actually.

In TNA, Sting is no longer champ, because he ignored the 4 week old get DQ- lose the belt rule in his match with the bottomless Abyss. To become champ, the Byss got slammed through a barbed wire table. Ouch. He sold it like he was being fried up KFC style.

Soma Joe's win streak is over. Was he tasered like Goldberg. Nope, he tapped like drum to the Anglelock at the ppv. Joe now has to look out for Angle's back if he's going to get rematch. Prepare for a lot of in ring stare downs.

LAX was stripped of the tag titles for burning one too many American flags. The Road Dog and Billy Gun are now calling themselves the Voodoo Kin Mafia? Yup, don't know either.


TNA's been on a operatic roll, as seen in these highlights.

Highlight of Week

What's John Cena been up to? He's now fighting the subway guy.
Look for him to feed food to Umaga until he explodes.