Dear Reader,To anyone who is reading this, please tell my loved ones that I did truly love them. The circumstances to my downfall are quite simple to explain, but I hope my report will not be vain. I have brave through the death valley of Killforst, trekked through the swamps of Mudgroth and escaped the Mines of Beavoria to tell you, my dear reader, that this week's WWE offering was utter donkey crap. After watching this drivel for the past two weeks my head exploded. Let my loss of life and brains be fair warning to stop watching the WWE. Now what follows has been fair warned.
Reasons to stop watching WWE
John Cena vs Kevin Federline - The champ with the spinny belt gets all David Arquette on us by fighting C list celebrity rejects. This will lead to the great Umaga feud. By great I mean in a sense that if you let go of a giant turd while taking a dump, you stand back and admire your handiwork.
Old Man Squad - I don't need to see Ric Flair tag with anyone comparable to his age. I did want to see Dusty Rhodes tag just for the fact that Dusty might get his ultimate revenge on his longtime horseman foe and eat him just before Flair wins a match or least suffocate him with his blubber.
Divas fighting - particularly with Umaga. In fact let's not see anymore crazy samoans unless they speak the queen's english.
MVP's Tights - Yup JBL is right - he's walking Bud Light Can.
DX - I think it's to the point that writers have developed a DX story machine that spits out their hijinks for week. This week have DX enjoy watching fat male stripper dance.
Dick Johnson - Ever wonder who are the WWE writers? Look no further than this guy's crack.
Anybody tried to vote for CyberSunday??? The results seemed to be a bit unfounded for me. I wanted to vote for the spinny belt only to have a popup tell me "No douche! Vote for King Booker He's CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!! and the smackdown kingdom...and it will fit the federline interference angle smoothly. Seriously, Dick just thought it up!!! The idea is killer!!!! Have him attack and challenge Cena, then Brittany can dump him, he'll have nothing left to lose. Then Dick can sit on his face before Dusty Rhodes eats him and we then electrify the remains at Halloween Havoc 2007!!!!
It's not all doom gloom for the WWE, the Rey Mysterio exit into vacationdom was a smooth transition, well about as smooth as crying "I quit" while hanging upside down, while Chavo Guerro hits you in the knee with a chair can be. Chavo's feud with Benoit should prove to be entertaining.
What the heck is an extreme elimination chamber. I know what a elimination chamber is...A couple of guys standing around doing nothing while two guys wrestle for 40 mintues. This time RVD, Big Show, Sabu will stand around and do zlitch with weapons while Test wrestles CM Punk.
With the King getting fired for the 29th time, JR gets more comfortable with Crime Tyme. JR: "Can I offer you fellas some barbecue sauce!!"
JBL line of the week - From the Undertaker/Kane vs. MVP/Mr. Kennedy match. Paraphrasing here but, "The brothers of destruction (Kane and Taker) took out DDP and Canyon! That is a debt wrestling can not repay." Way to get DDP over.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
WHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! OH YEAH!! NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
In a complete reversal of fortune, TNA never looked better, the only drawback is Sting finding religion. Which is silly for a guy who used to dress as the crow.
Introducing tatankasting 2.0
AJ Styles ended the X-Division reign of Chris Saban last week. Saban's reign lasted a bit longer than a blink. Saban should feel good though because we all are just transitional champs.
This just in Somoa Joe still does not Kurt Angle. Why? Ummmmmmmm. Got me.
Christian's feuding wtih Rhyno, he's feuding with Sting, he's feuding with Abyss, he's feuding with my cable guy, he's feuding with his videogame version in RAW vs. Smackdown on Playstation. The guy is very busy these days.
Highlight of the Week
Speaking of RAW vs Smackdown this piece of youtube is an actual storyline from the new game hitting stores shelves soon.
3 comments:
never seen a gender bender angle before, but there it is!
the video for the highlight of the week was removed by the wwe for copyright infringment. So is life with youtube. To surmise it the video consisted of Kurt Angle being turned to a woman by candice michelle with her magical wand. A new wrestling story from this year's RAW vs Smackdown game.
I actually got to see it befor it was taken down. Still. WTF?!?!
And didn't they just fire Angle? I thought he was on TNA.
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