To the Faithful Departed

The WWE this week bid a do to probably the greatest technical wrestler of all time, releasing Kurt Angle from his contract. Apparently, wrestling in the Olympics with a broken freaking neck and then making a living out of falling on your neck for 8 or so years does have an effect no matter how many surgeries you have had by a doctor named Chief Wahoo.

Angle was let go for health reasons, but remember no one ever retires from wrestling and the WWE is leaving the door open. So Jeff Jarrett can save some money on the Fed-EX envelope now and put off Kurt Angle's TNA hiring, title belt reign, loss to Jarrett and public execution by Jarrett's firing squad.

Angle was the best of the modern wrestlers, no matter how many title squatch matches HHH has been involved in. He also had range playing from very silly to scary wrestling machine on a drop of a dime. There was no move that Angle didn't bust out, from leg locks to Angle saws. He made Brock Lesner highlight material, enough said.

If I had my say, I would make Angle a manager and bring back a new version of Team Angle, similar to what Shane Douglass is doing on TNA with the Naturals, but that's perfect world stuff.

Another ex-champion that will be taking a powder after Unforgiven is Trish Status. She puts the knockers in the can after years of being the women's champ and the women's champ #1 contender. In a division with like 2 wrestlers, you can see how Trish was always on top of her game in that regard.

Next on the departure list, we have WWE Smackdown. Smackdown will be pulling up the tents and heading on over to the UPN-WB lovefest matchup known as the "CW". Finally, Smallville, Vericona Mars and Gilmore Girls on the same channel.

To bad I'll be watching Ugly Betty on ABC.

OK maybe not.

Smackdown will be have a new cooler hipper feel to it. Holla Holla as the GM Teddy says. So let's see what we can expect on the new Smackdown.

King Booker's Royal Court will bring back the Sexy
Book's court is in serious need of the sexy that Justin Timberlake boasts that he's bringing back. Regal, Finley and the leprechaun were knighted last week, so you can now call them Sir Regal, Sir Finley and Sir Leprechaun. But the scandal will destroy the court, as Dave Batista goes undercover as a bar wench to woo the mighty king, creating a rift between Book, Mrs. Queen and Sir Leprechaun.

Vicki Guerreo = More Vicki Guerreo matches
It was all hugs and kisses for Vicki until she nailed Rey Mysterio with the 4 point swerve with a folding chair, beating him up cause he was getting beat up by Chavo. Huh? The new CW storyline, an army of undead Guerreos join Vicki and Chavo to beat up Rey some more.

Congrats! You will now have Miz matches and say hello to Jimmy Wang, MVP and Terkay the Dinosaur Hunter
CW means new talent even though the letters don't really stand for that? What do they stand for? Which is why Smackdown needs the hyper annoying Miz for the young people, Jimmy Wang for the Chinese rednecks, Terkay to mat wrestle T-Rexes, and MVP to continue his storyline of contract negotiation. Meaning weekly promos of him talking to his agent via cellphone. Heck would you want to wrestle Vito when he's got his dress fluttering in the wind? Also the return of the Boogey Man!

Scooby Squad Tag Teams
Veronica Mars works with her friends like a Scooby Squad, busting up mysteries. So for the CW we got new tag teams getting to the bottom of some Nancy Drew like mysteries. This week Paul London and Brian Kendrick discovered that K.C. James was actually cloned from the D.N.A cells of Midnight Express' Beautiful Bobby and Stunning Stan Lane. London and Kendrick destroy the lab before the Demolition clone comes to life.

Superpowered Wrestlers
Geogory Helms will begin to defend the cruiser weight belt against non cruiser weights by developing the superpowers he once never had as the Hurricane. If only he could tell the woman he loved before he leaves to metropolis. Matt Hardy loses all his hair and swears revenge!

On RAW, it looks like it's gimmick matches away with Edge and Cena going after one another in a table, ladders and chairs match. Vince, Shane and the Big Show vs. DX (again) in a hell in the cell. Johnny Nitro and Melena held a press conference to explain why they swerved Mick Foley or announce why Batista harassed her again. It was hard to tell.

On TNA it will be title vs career as Jarrett escorted his own private firing squad armed with machine guns to the ring. They kind of looked like helmeted cops from ECW didn't they! A fan threw a bottle at him and Jarrett responded by having him and family thrown off Planet Jarrett. I wished I had made that up but he actually said Planet Jarrett. I think it orbits Planet Hulk!!!

Jarrett commented the he would put Sting in noose and watch him and his career die a slow death. Which I think is the cue for the firing squad to fire. Jim Cornette interrupted the proceedings by speakerphone. He commented on how great satellite feeds were and announced that Jarrett must take a polygraph test to uncover the depth of his mismanagement at TNA. If he failed the tennis racketed one will make his life a living hell.

Speaking of hell, Brother Runt (Spike Dudley) found a new version of it losing a 1,000 tac match to Abyss. After the match, Raven followed up with more punishment on Spike because as the TNA website put it "James Mitchell (Abyss' manager) was telepathically controlling Runt's mind!" Now that's CW network worthy!!

Highlight of the Week

With the departure of Kurt Angle we salute the Velour Team Angle jumpsuit, possibly the greatest ring attire in wrestling history.