The Ass Shot Heard Round the World

Sometime Sunday night I felt a disturbance in the surreal ether of wrestle crap. Something had upset the natural forces of things. In the voice of Dave Bowman from 2010 something had happened "Something WONDERFUL!!!" For you see, this past Sunday, at the Unforgiven pay per watch, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, owner of the world's largest wrestling company had his face shoved up a 7 foot tall, 300 lb man's ass.

Then suddenly it dawned on me. As I knew why this event took place. This wasn't just a cheap stunt to score more repeat business to top UFC or TNA. No!!!! The ass shot heard round the world was a culmination of every single angle wrestling has run through the past ten years.

Trish retiring, JR getting burned, Nathan Jones, The Alliance, the Helmsey/McMahon era, the NWO, Miz, King Booker, RVD drinking and driving, Brian Pillman dying, Stone Cold beating up Booker in a supermarket, the Conquistadores, Spike TV, Kane losing to Kane from 10 years ago, the Zodiac, the Macho King, the Bret Hart screw job, Cryme Tyme, the Big Show being dragged away on his father grave, Eddie Guerro dying, the Highlanders vs. Sprirt Squad, WCW War Games, the Oinkettes, the Masterpiece looking not so Masterpiecish anymore, Halloween Havoc, Team Angle's velor suits, ECW by way WWE, the Zombie, Katie Vick, Bees and Man Law!! It all makes sense now. It was all leadup for this moment.

This revelation took place inside a Heck in a Cell, in which, the McMahon team of Shane and Vince flanked by honorary McMahon ECW champion Big Show looked to end the pranking days of the reunited DX team of HHH and HBK sans China.

The McMahons had a right to be angry. DX wrecked their plane and spray painted their headquarters. They responded by handing the DX'ers beat downs by a list of superstars and extrememists. Hell in the Cell was the culmination of this feud. One team was going in and the other was getting strechered out, but of course....


DX is not getting strechered out.

So the McMahons were left to take the big bumps inside a new Hell in the Cell structure. Bigger, badder and more unforgiving. The events that took place inside this deadly structure should not be relayed to virgin ears. The events are that deadly....and stinky...oh yeah stinky is a good word to describe this.

When the match began DX realized they were in for fight. Knowing they had to take the Big Show down first they immediately began to work over this testicles. Like Flair setting up the leg for the figure four, DX kicked the Big Show in the balls repeatedly until the chances of Show producing encores were slim.

The brutality on the Big Show would come to a close when HBK nailed him with a super kick. The ECW champ had just been nailed by a chair to the head while resting on the steel steps, so the top rope looked like a comfy place to rest his tired head. Vince being the only member of Team About to Lose left, stood in front of DX, using whatever strength he had left to motion to DX to bring it on like Neo from the Matrix.

This just made DX dance!

Looking at the Big Show they dropped his extreme tights and displayed the extreme backside of the extreme champ. DX then took the beleaguered billionaire and then drove him face first into the ass romp of the Big Show. Turning and tearing through that grand canyon, Vince's soul warped through the star gate and came out on the other side as the star child. Too bad what was left of his brain and body did not make the trip.

Recoiling from his trip down Big Show ass lane, Vince stood up and then was levelved by sweet chin music. With Shane doing his best impression of a corpse and the Big Show pantless, Vince went down to his knees. The end was coming, he just needed someone to deliver the blow of sweet release.

An obliging son-in-law, HHH went outside and brought back a sledgehammer. Sizing Vince up like Tiger Woods to a golf ball, HHH smashed the owner's head in like it was a watermelon at Gallagher show.

Thus, it was over. DX had won. Vince and Shane were dead. The Big Show was pantless. DX did their customary dance and let the paramedic do what he does best..... pick up the shatter pieces of the McMahons and the Big Show's pride. Good job Team McMahon, your contribution to wrestling will not be forgotten.

And oh yeah....John Cena is the the new WWE champ. He was also boo'ed the whole time. I guess that's how baby faces get over these days.

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