WAAAAAHHHH, WAAAAAAHHH

Looks like I should give up the prognostication business, as my dark cloudy crystal ball into Summerslam left me with a record of 3-30.

Looks like the WWE writers and myself are not seeing eye to eye, more like face to ass in this case. Good thing I wasn't the only one that applied to this week, as Mick Foley caught the broadside of a flying butt.

In the interest of being professional, I thought I bring in an expert to help discuss this week's events, so without further ado by the power of the infinity gauntlet I bring to you:

The floating head of the Bobby "The Brain" Heenan!

Brain let our readers know its you and say something funny about Tito Santana.

Brain: Tito Santana is like a cue-ball: The more you strike him, the more English you get out of him!.

Delicious!

Up first we have the Summerslam match I got right between Chavo Guerreo and Rey Mysterio. With a screaming Vicki in the corner to monitor the damage, Chavo busted out the entire Eddie Guerreo move set to defeat the masked wannabe.

Brain: Did you know that Chavo holds a place in the Guinness Book of World Records?

Yeah, for what?

Brain: He picked over 1600 heads of lettuce in a half an hour.

Will you stop! It doesn't look like Chavo needs to concern himself with lettuce heads anymore since he won.

Brain: Yeah, he can move right on over to tomatoes!

The DXer's overcame all the odds as the McMahons sent wave after the wave of Big Shows, leprechauns and Finlays to soften them up. These illegal moves were meant to set up DX for the kill, but the McMahons couldn't hold their end of up of the beating stick and took the loss.

Brain: Those moves were legal! Don't you know greco roman hair pull when you see it!

This would leave the McMahons in a surely mood the next night on RAW. Defeated and disgusted they kicked the Coach out of their office while he was bulking up his abs. DX would lighten the mood, as they hijacked Vinnie's private plane and sprayed painted it with a DX logo and spared us any "Snakes on a Plane" references. DX also sprayed painted the headquarters of WWE and the McMahons' limo, reducing Vince's power strut to a slow crawl. My condolences go to the WWE employee whose aerial view of the parking lot is now green.

Brain: "Do you know what KoKo B Ware calls his new hair style?"

No. What?

Brain: Afroturf.

Randy's Road to Rapi...I mean dating Hogan's daughter is over. Let's see how it ended:

Not good.

Brain: Hogan's entrance music! That's my second favorite song.

I'm almost afraid to ask - what's your favorite? Brain?

Brain: All the rest are tied

And finally Foley as expected said "No Mas" to the Nature Boy, of course Cactus did get his shots in.

Brain: When Flair walked by he held up 4 fingers. That was the sign of the 4 Horsemen. When Hogan walked by I held up one finger.

If being Dude Love was not humiliating enough, Foley was forced to join the Vince McMahon kiss my ass club on RAW to defend the honor of Melena again.

Hope you like your swerve with nuts in them.

In other news, Jeff Hardy crashed the introduction of Edge's new spinny belt. Forged in the lava of Mount Doom, the belt is basically the same as Cena's but now it's Rated R. Thankfully, the old belt was tossed in a river.

Hardy did his best impression of a TNA wrestler getting to fight the champ on his first appearance back, but it did look like he was hitting the extreme nachos a little hard while he was away. The Hardy-Edge tussle was broken up by the Doctor of Thug-o-nomics, who tossed Edge into the same watery grave as his spinny belt.

Anything to say before I wrap this up Brain?

Brain: The two things that scare me most about wrestling fans is that they're allowed to vote and allowed to reproduce!

Highlight of the Week:

Edge on Jeff Hardy's return to the ring: "Wow! Jeff Hardy!!!! Didn't you die like two years ago!!"