This video can pretty much sum up Bound for Glory last Sunday. Here's the Skinny: Eric Young got his job back, Joe won the Monster Mash and doesn't like Olympic heroes very much. LAX won the cock fight by showing off that spanish mean streak all over The Fallen Styles Angel. Any match involving a cage, forks and a being choked out by Konan with a wire hanger is worth at least 5 of the 30 dollars for the ppv. The rest of the 25 should go to the Kevin Nash invitational X-Division tour, which feature B-List wrestlers and probably a couple of hookers for good measure. Ryhno lost his 8-mile match due to the fact that 26 consecutive chair shots hurt!
The story of the night though was the main event between Jeff Jarrett and the new incarnation of Sting. Sting 5.0 is a combo and a coke of venice beach sting and the crowish Sting we have come to know and yawn at for the past couple of years. Jarrett dropped the belt in what was the greatest transitional title reign of all time.
He took the loss well.
Jarrett title reign bullet points: - Wins title from Chiristian Cage in four man free fall - Samoa Joe steals belt. - Samoa Joe won't give back belt. - No one can convice Joe to give belt back: not Tenay or Jeremery "collar" Borash - Get Sting to agree to title vs career match. - Still can't get belt back from Joe - Joe named 90% champion cause possession is 9/10th of the law - Bring in Kurt Angle to disagree with Joe - On the day before ppv steal belt back by distracting Joe with sandwich. - Face Sting. - Tap Tap Tap.
Highlight of the Week - Sting no selling the Jarrett's guitar shot. Sting spent the last two months hitting himself with guitars...well scouted.
Celebrity status doesn't get you much these days. Kevin Ferderline just wanted to push a rap album in front of a world wide basic cable audience. That rap album though may not do so well if your pontential audience boos you unmercifully at the sight of you. Everybody's a playa hater. Of course, and being associated with a guy called Johnny Nitro is also not something to be proud of.
Mr. Spears though would attempt to reclaim the fans. He knows his wrestling and the hardcore wrestling fan would have stood and applauded if you make fun of John Cena. No one told him though that this trick only works in New York City and Philly. Too bad this was LA. A bad rap by John Cena later and your being carried away by referees. Good luck with that album.
The Cryme Tyme made there in ring debut this week against the spirit squad. No impressive wrestling, but the Squad did break up at the end of the match with Kenny yelling about how they were losers. Losing will do that.
Cryme Tyme then went on to steal King Booker's dowry. Book who claimed he could not speak ebonics was flustered by the roguish charm of Cryme Tyme. They then stole his wallet and King Book's royal accent. The real Booker T then emerged from the under the crown and threaten to get all those suckaaaaaaassssss!!!! McMahon made the announcement that at the champion of champions match, the fans would vote on whose title would be on line. Meaning the spinny belt would get put up since no knows what to call Booker's belt (WCW belt?) and the Big Show's belt was sold on ebay by Rhyno a couple of months back and he is apparently is now into bowling. Instead of the boring WWE ppv coming, TNA may have a good one this Sunday dubbed Bound for Glory. Whether anyone gets any glory out of this remains to be seen.
Chris Jericho explains
When did Fozzy start playing Creed Rock? X-Division Title - Senshi vs Chris Saban - So what's left of the X-Division, by this match not much. Senshi has stomped his way into champ status by stepping over the competition, literally he steps on them from the top rope. Winner: Saban by wearing "Don't tread on me" Mat taped to his chest.
Detroit 8 Mile Match - Rhyno vs Christian Cage - Apparently Detroit is not big enough for the both of them. Winner: Cage - Rhyno and Cage start off in insult rap war, decide to call it even and go to the Tigers world series game. In the seven inning stretch, Cage hits him with the unprettier when they are displayed in I love you heart graphic on the scoreboard.
NWA Tag Titles - 6 Sides of Steel - LAX vs Daniels and Styles - Viva La Mexico, viva la moody jack, viva La Gail Kim being launched into orbit by LAX's resident big guy wrestler. This steel cage match will feature 6 sides not 4 sides of steel, meaning it will look like a Mexican cock fight only with real Mexicans. Winner: Styles and Daniels because Gail Kim finally crash lands on Homicide.
Raven's Clockwork Orange Man Monster's Ball funhouse and barbecue street fight match with weapons - Raven, Samoa Joe, Abyss, Brother Runt - Guest enforcer - Jake the Snake Roberts - Just in time for Halloween! All the scary man monsters TNA can rustle up are in one match to decide whose the craziest man monster in the organization. Winner - Samoa Joe - Jake the Snake uses the damien to eat brother runt (Spike Dudley). This completly freaks Abyss out cause all man monsters are afraid of snakes and he runs out of the arena. Raven in trying to pull Runt out of Damien's mouth is finished off by Joe who didn't even take off his clubbing shirt.
NWA World Title Match - Sting vs. Jarrett. Special Ref Kurt "It's Real". The loser loses something. If its Jarrett its the belt, if it's Sting then its the career. Winner Jarrett - After pinning Sting to end what has been a pretty no show career in TNA. Angle puts them all in a Angle lock to end the show. He yells "Yeah, It's True, It's damn True!!!" WWE lawyers repel in from the ceiling and hand copyright infringement charges to a befuddled Mike Tenay, who wore his one and only good tux for this ppv.
Highlight of the Week - The return of "Screaming" Norman Smiley. Yes , Smiley returned to his screaming ways by wearing a football helmet and pads against Christian Cage on Impact this week. After taking a chair shot to the helmet for no effect he was stripped of his gear for the loss.
Losing makes strange bedfellows. Say you just finished up your title run, the highlight of your career, and have the strange misfortune of fighting the guy with a marine movie. Chances are you are getting your faced smashed in by the ever brutal steel cage door. Which not only closes the door on this god knows 8 year feud, but also ends your title shot main eventing status.
What do you do for encore? Team up with a heel in a similar spot and go after the real main eventers of the company cause fighting for belts is now so passe. Particularly, if the guy with spinny belt has a Marine movie.
Edge was faced with this unidealic scenario and prompted to team up with Randy Orton to take out DX, cause the McMahon's have had no luck at this endeavor lately. These two do share history as Edge was met with the broad side of a steel cage door cause of HBK and Orton, well he got deep sixed by HHH long ago into a life of fighting for Hogan and trying to ravish his daughter. So storyline plot moves off into the negative zone on one front.
Since fighting for titles is so 1990's now, McMahon has declared that at the WWE next ppv - cyber sunday- that all three transitional champions (aren't we all) will face each other in a 3 way contest of champions. Marvel Comics pioneered this trend in the 1980's with secret wars. Here McMahon goes all beyonder like and vanishes John Cena, marine movie and all, extremist Big Show, and King Booker to a barren planet to fight for their supper. Hopefully someone drops a mountain on them like they did on the marvel heroes in that book.
Of course the person to drop the mountain should be Kane who was sentenced to barren planet Kane for losing to Umaga. Good thing he took the Highlanders out with him cause that stick's ship has sailed.
Flair had some help fighting the sucky spirit squad member by not only calling in past horseman but also members of MONEY INC. - Ted Diabese and I.R.S. aka Irwin R Schiester aka The Captain. The Million Dollar Man's account would audit the Spirit Squad out of the ring. Roll a phatty for TNA as Impact was able score a 9pm time slot on Spike TV and most importantly score the Kurt Angle TV slot as well. Things are looking exitcing for Jarrett and company.
Ok so maybe not balls to wall exicting. Also AJ Styles had some passport problems in Mexico
Highlight of the Week In this case it was more like lowlight of the week. ECW actually spilt screened its matches this week from time to time to show the Diva strip poker contest. Now I don't mind looking at women strip, but I don't need my attention from it cut away by a Kevin Thorne vs Tommy Dreamer matchup. After watching 2 seconds of low card (it wasn't even a poker game) and watching Balls Mahoney get a stiffy that's all anyone could stand.
