E = MC2 = Final Crisis simplified

DC comics' crossover event Final Crisis finished up last week to a number of confused readers wailing out to the cosmos "What the hell was that about?". Though, mind boggling at first, I came to an understanding with Final Crisis after a second, third and fourth reading.

Writer Grant Morrison takes no pity on the poor reader in issue 7, turning what seemed like a straight take over the world story into a end of all things cluster bomb. Midway through the issue the universe is destroyed and brought back again. Superman creates a god machine and fights the ultimate comic book evil in Mandrakk. So yeah, stuff went down in those 40 pages.

So in the interest of bringing forth understanding and knowledge, I will try to summarize the story in simple bullet points.

-The New Gods of the DC Universe died and were reborn into mortals.

-The DC heroes find the god - Orion dead. What can kill a god? Answer: A bullet fired from the future. Batman knows this and everything else.

-Barry Allen "The Flash" comes back to life. Martian Manhunter does not.

-Hal Jordan is accused of killing Orion by an Alpha Green Lantern. Gets taken away to OA for trial.

-Alpha Lantern is a reborn evil god that takes Batman hostage to a underground lair.

-Darkseid is reborn. The Anti-life equation is set loose on the Internet. Everyone turns into a brainwashed zombie by reading their morning email.

-Darkseid gives the thumbs down.

-Superman's beloved Lois Lane is on life support and dying. Supes goes on amazing journey through the multiverse involving Captain Marvel and bunch of other Supermen to save her life. He fights Mandrakk in 3D and comes back to save Lois.

-Meanwhile (Superfriend star swoosh) back on Earth, time and space come apart because Darkseid can't run things worth a dick.

-The Guardians tell Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corp, you guys have 24 hours to save Earth..get to it. They do.

-Batman escapes a chair that probes his mind for any sort of historical continuity. He meets Darkseid fully briefed on the situation because of course Batman's a badass! Batman then shoots Darkseid with the time bullet, poisoning him with radon. Darkseid shoots the Super Bat with the OMEGA SANCTION. The beam that is death but not death too...yeah move on..., and it reduces Batman to skeletal granola.

-Superman after wrapping up an amazing adventure with the Legion of Superheroes in the 31st century, is shown the god machine by Brainiac 5. The machine can make anything come true!!! Superman looks at it in a instant and memorizes how to build it in the past with his super brain. He then comes back to the present, finds Batman sans body weight in the bunker, and confronts Darkseid.

-Darkseid's body is killed by the Flashes who come running by with death on their heels and lots of omega beams. Darkseid then fires the time bullet back into issue 1 from issue 7 and is now alive but with no body.

-REALITY FALLS APART.

-Superman builds the god machine. He sings a song to kill what's left of Darkseid and confronts the evil monitor Mandrakk.

-The Ultimate Monitor shows up along with angels, forever people, and Green Lanterns. They kill Mandrakk and Superman wishes for a happy ending on the God Machine. The wish sets the universe back on track where it was before this whole thing started.

-Any left over craziness gets sent over to parallel Earth numbered 51, now deemed "Kirby Land".

-Batman is shown back at the beginning of time hanging out with and an aged Anthro "the first caveman". He is drawing the bat logo on a cave wall. Even in the stone age, Batman understands marketing.

-Martian Manhunter is still dead. Bummer.


So yeah, its just that simple!! I didn't even have to mention too much about the Monitors, Metron, the Japanese Super Young team and Global Superstar Norman Shilo a.k.a Mr. Miracle. Of course if you did understand this, congratulations you have read a lot of DC comics.

Sadfully, DC is taking the criticism of Final Crisis to heart and have decided to retcon the whole thing with an easier to follow storyline that is similar to the event. Which we can now present to you through the magic of youtube:

Issue 1


Issue 2


Issue 3- The conclusion