Goldage

When we last left Kurt Angle, our Olympic hero, he was a broken man. His wife wanted a divorce, his shirt and tie were undone, Samoa Joe was beating the heck out of him and he was balling like a 1 year old. He certainly didn't have his "A" game on. That streak of miserable luck came to an end at the "Hard Justice" PPV, where Kurt went on to defeat Samoa Joe to obtain not just one title but all of the gold in TNA.

The rig was in, as Kurt's wife revealed that she's was in cohoots with the Olympic hero from the start, giving Angle an advantage in the squared octagon (its TNA) and in the divorce court. Angle now holds every belt in TNA, gold, leather or otherwise. Which sucks for him cause now he has to defend them all against a bunch of people at the next TNA ppv - No Surrender.

Pacman Jones has assembled a team to do his dirty work in TNA. Consisting of Ron Killings, they are pretty much feuding with everything they see in front of them mainly Eric Young.

Vince is still looking for his son in the WWE programming block. He did a funny skit where the Boogie Man sang "Cats in the cradle" much to the disgust of Vince. No joke on Vince's detective work he's narrowed it down to some guy.

Sorry for the quick post this week, but I leave you with the

Highlight of the Week

TNA iMPACT!: Kurt Angle Action Short

Posted Aug 08, 2007

Can Kurt Angle take on the henchmen of his nemesis?

Kurt Angle - Movie star!!!

Much Youtubery?

Whole lot of antics occured this week in wrestling, McMahon returns, Teddy Long getting fake married, Angle crying, while the cruiser weight champion Leprechaun throws cream pies around. So let's start from the top and usher in the boss. Begin POWER WALK!!!

Vince now back from dead returned to put RAW in order. He talked about being sued by the government (for dog fighting - Hacksaw Jim Duggan wrestling anyone), the love of his family, and the Coach having to get another position cause - we gonna have ourselves a battle royale with cheese for his job!! Now any no name can be GM of RAW. My money was on Umanga.

Umanga as GM
Assistant: Mr. Manga can you schedule next week's card
Umanga: Maaaaahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahhaha Gaajajaj
Assistant: Yes I see. What type of coffee do you want?
Umanga: Mahahahahahhahahahahahhaha GAfafajajajajja..cinammon.
Assistant: Excellent.


This nightmare though never came to pass as a shoe-less Steven Regal won the job by saving us from general manager - The Sandman. Fpppth...That was a close one.

McMahon's night was not over as he was given some distressing news from The Coach.

I hope the kid is like 5, wears a McMahon wig, a suit, yells for ice cream and power walks.

Teddy Long had a much happier time on Smackdown as he announced he was trading marriage vows with Crystal for a honeymoon to be named later. Heck, he is the GM, he can do that stuff. The Great Khali broke up Teddylicious'"they just call him that?" announcement by saying: "Mahahahfhahfhafh ggahhahahahfhah Batista mafhafhafhafahhaha". Can't any of these Man Monsters speak English these days. This gibberish on babelfish translated to: me angry at Batista for wrecking my Punjabi dance party me want wrestle. End result - knock yourself out and knockout Ric Flair this week to boot.

In case you missed it, Hornswoggle - Fit Finley's leprechaun is the cruiser weight champ. Yup, Yup, Yup, Yup. He hit Jamie Noble with a cream pie. Of course no one believes Jamie cause who believes in Leprechauns.


On TNA, Angle is on top of his game while his world comes crashing down around him. He's got the TNA world championship belt, the Japanese IWGP Championship belt, and he's wearing $5,000 suits (Flairnomics, of course). Angle, though, is a wreck. He's got a championship match for all the gold in TNA as he will fight Samoa Joe for the world tag belts and the X-Division belt (short story - these two guys have all the gold)and now his wife is leaving Angle. The divorce came on national TV and rocked the world champ as he cried all over the arena. His shirt was untucked, he was blubbering about losing his kids, and even hugged smuck announcer Jeremy Borasch.

This week Angle went to of all people Kevin Nash for help. Nash was the only one that understood the complex needs of our Olympic hero. This is definitely rock bottom. Joe announced he had a special guest to introduce in the ring. When Borasch informed Nash who it was, Nash said "Oh, he did not need this!". All this while, while Angle was crying on the couch.

In the ring, Joe introduced his guest being of course- Angle's wife. Angle looking like a hobo with two title belts went to the ring and begged and cried to keep his marriage together. Let's see how it went:


Christian Cage learned this week, that he will have to wrestle in a...get ready for it...DOOMSDAY CHAMBER OF BLOOD MATCH against Abyss. I think a guillotine is involved some how. Jim Cornette commented to Cage that if Christian ran from one end of the ring to other he would look like shredded wheat!

Highlight of the Week-

Santino?? Why you know speak in your regular broken Italian accent!

Carted Away

A trend transpired on RAW this week as lots of people were getting carted away. Usually, this trend is to demonstrate the dominance of your opponent and propel his rise on the pop-o-meter 3000. Going beyond squishing or staring at the lights, being carted away has its own type of demeaning value that screams: I suck, why are you watching, or don't cry for me- for I am already dead.

Or in the case of Bobby Lashley, I'm going to take a few months off. Go figure, gravity had to catch up to his arms sometime. This tragedy started when Mr.................................Kenneee....aw screw it, fought the roid machine. Lashley went through his regular array of power slams and fox trots, but Kennedy realizing his pop was fading faster than his money in the bank status, went to work on Lashley's shoulder. Then the match just ended. A win for Kennedy with Lashely crying like he was hit by semi.

Take him away boys.

In case you were wondering if we live in a free society, The King "Jerry Lawler" fought The King "Booker" in a "I'm the King around here Match" officiated by the Burger King. The two monarches of the squared circle fought to a no decision. This leaves the door open for king fest at this year's Summerslam featuring Booker, Lawler, Harley Race, the Macho King, King of Kings HHH and the Lord of the Rings - Sauron.

John Cena is in full twiddling thumbs mode after beating Lashley and being informed that he would have to fight Randy Orton at Summerslam. Bored, he decided to take an early vacation, chill out on a lounge chair and challenge Carlito. Though he didn't win due to inteference from Orton, Cena felt refreshed after having chewed apple spit into face by the kid with the fro from "The Boondocks". That' ain't Gangsta!

Speaking of Orton, he produced carted celebrity number two in the form of Sgt. Slaughter. Seems a good old to kick to the head of old Sarge was enough to send fellow GI Joe member First Aid to the ring to take him away.

Save me Maggot!

Highlight of the Week: It was love....indian style for the Great Khali and he showed his newly kept world heavyweight championship with a full Bollywood movie dance party. (Please notice the non-Indian blond lady in the left hand corner of the picture). Bollywood movies are know for their high degree of craft and professionalism like so:


The party would be spoiled by film hater Batista "The Animal", who scared away the dancers with a snarl and then took out Khali with a spear. He then went into a full on dance number, singing how he was the top animal in the pack as dancers on ropes converged into the ring in animal garb.