Direct Deposit

Money in the Bank Ladder Match featuring Edge, The Hardy Boys, Finley, King Boooookaaa, CM Punk, Randy Orton and Mr. Kennedy

It wouldn't be Wrestlemania, if Home Depot did get some free product placement, now wouldn't it. The Money in the Bank Ladder Match (whew long title) has now become annual tradition at Wrestlemania. Kind of like Lemmings falling off a cliff, these 8 second tier wonders will climb the ladder of success to grab a No.1 contender's contract and find out why gravity is such an important component to the physics of Earth.

This twist this year was that the combatants had to qualify for this match by defeating someone...er.....anyone. Save the drama, cause they stretched these qualifiers out for like two months or so, with the same guys losing and regaining their spot over and over again.

Edge is the favorite because he has never lost at Wrestlemania and he gets the most mike time. Seriously, Kennedy can't even finish saying his name before Edge says that enough. Jeff Hardy will be playing the roll of extreme crash test dummy, while Matt can wonder how in the heck does he still he even gets these shots. CM Punk's prize is that he doesn't have to look like a 1920's gangster this year dancing next to John Cena. King Boookkaaaa is my favorite cause not only does he give off a regal presence but what other king has had to slay dragons on promotional posters. Finley (insert leprechaun joke here). Randy Orton will probably have to figure out to climb large ladders and proceed to fall off them quickly.

Winner: Randy Orton - After several high spots and dramatic ooooos and ahhhs from the fans, Mr. Kennedy has had enough. He calls for his microphone, which is lowered down into the ring. Kennedy grabs it and yells Keeeeeeennnnnnnedy!!! The mike then retracts pulling him near the money in the bank brief case. What the other wrestlers don't realize is that there is a bomb in there. Keeeneeedy half assed attempts to grab the case pulls it half open, setting off the bomb. The only thing left of Kennedy is his hand on the retractable microphone, which still reverberate the line Keeeeneeeedyyyy. Orton who was sexually harassing a diva at the the time has the smarts to re-enter the ring and pick up what remains of the case.

Tomorrow: HBK and John Cena fight over who gets to be in the Marine 2.

Undertaken

With Wrestlemania around the corner, I thought I drop in with an atomic elbow drop from the top rope. These will be short and sweet this week so let's get to the festivities:

World Heavyweight Championship - Batista a.k.a the Animal vs. The Undertaker a.k.a dead and loving it!

The storyline of this match is obviously the fact the Undertaker has not lost at Wrestlemania... well ever. His win record at this overhyped ppv is 456-0. That's not dominance that's slaughter by way close lines, big boots, choke slams, that funny stretchy submit move which didn't catch on, last rides and tombstones. The guy doesn't even get DQ. Of course, I'm not sure that can happen since most of the those matches ended up with the monster of the week being buried alive in some form or another.

So what can Batista do to keep the title that smells of Ric Flair sweat? I suggest go into the ring, stare down the Undertaker's dead cold eyes, wait for the bell to ring, and go outside and tell Lillian Garcia, the ring announcer, to swing a chair at him! Hopefully the Ref DQ's you and you stay on to guest star on Smallville as the big guy from the Phantom Zone or Rory's new boyfriend on Gilmore Girls. Wear flannel big guy!

Winner: The Undertaker - At Wrestlemania, Taker's squatch match powers are so great he summons his dark forces to open a portal into hell. The hole of the damn lies in center of the ring as Batista is tombstone into it. Before the weak and pudgy referee is sucked into it, the portal closes and he hands Taker the belt.

Tomorrow, I discuss the socio economic ramifications of the Money in the Bank Ladder Match.