I have returned to the scene of the crime. After months of taking it all in, I have returned to post about the craziness of pro wrestling. Commence the shake and break! (More on that in a moment). The biggest story to unravel in my absence is of course Johnny Nitro becoming the ECW champ. Oh wait, according to my national news pop story-o-tron 3000 it's the Chris Benoit incident. It rated next to Paris Hilton goes to jail. Yay, new level for pro wrestling in the national news.
In case you have been living inside of Benoit's crossface, you are not aware that the former WWE champ and to this world committed the wholesale elimination of his family. This of course was during the weekend of a pay-per-view which Benoit should have attended so that I did not have to see Johnny Nitro become the champ of anything.
The media handled this one like the grade A organization they claim to be using their reporting clout to give me the facts, figures and pie charts, I needed to stay on top of this breaking story. Facts as Benoit being the "Canadian Strangler" rather than the "Canadian Crippler" were highlighted. Can't anything good come out of Canada.
Oh wait there's John Candy.
The positives of the coverage, if any, is that it brought to light the fact that wrestlers are a roided up lot. If this never happened, the WWE writers may have come up with a story that took advantage of a roided, crazy, Benoit. To save them the trouble Marvel comics already did...introducing:
WORLD WAR BENOIT!
Thankfully the Benoit mess ended another putrid storyline flowing through the WWE's diseased veins and that is:
The Vince goes boom storyline
Apparently after suffering through Vince appreciation night where everyone crapped on him (how do you do that to your boss). Vince went to his limo and it exploded. This charade lasted 2 weeks with fake police investigations and all:
Cop: Did you do it Lashley? you had the motive and the tiny shorty shorts to do it?
Lashley: no?
Cop: I'll move on then...is that a donut? Hmmm...tastes like a energy drink.
WWE dropped the story and Vince rose from the ashes like Jesus to no explanation at all.
So does the WWE have a roid issue?
Lashley doesn't think so! Ummm right?
On TNA, Kurt Angle is now the champ with multiple belts with the TNA championship and a Japanese heavyweight belt. Adopting a more nature boy style, Angle now wears the nice threads, shades and does allot of wooooing. He has adopted the term "Shake and Break" to his opponents, who mainly consist of a angry Samoan.
Before Shake
After Break! Oh my!
2 comments:
So Kurt Angle is now expressing his sadness at the Beniot incident by sticking cans of soda into the butts of other wrestlers?
Welcome back.
Only to those wrestlers who have vowed to cripple him.
Actual lines from TNA:
Don West: Samoa Joe has vowed to cripple Angle. OH Mike! I can't wait to see how the get along in a tag team.
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