Pay Per View Tap Out!

Ah, another week, another pay per view. This would be the third week in a row that a wrestling ppv has unfortunately graced television and satellite packages around the country. Starting off with WWE's Survivor Series to the ECW's December to Disremember (any knowledge of) to this week's TNA's Turning Point. Show me the individual that bought all three of these, and I would like to take a tour of his gold house and get a glimpse of his pimped out rocket car!

unfortunately Kurt Angle won't be enjoying his material possessions so much this week, as he dropped his rematch to Samoa Joe in tap out like fashion. Angle who has worked Joe up into a killer rage by talking about the Iraqi wrestler he's beaten in the Olympics (I think its a metaphor for the idea of never giving up or he's just having a flashback to wrestling Devari) and by looking out for Joe's back by dropping him angle slam style on his neck. No one can get your back if your flat and unconscious, is the reasoning I bet. Well the rematch, took place and by the looks of the picture above there is going to be a rubber match with this series tied at 1 one a piece for each combatant.

Abyss though is undefeated as the champ and this time he picked up the win in non DQ style against Christian Cage and the Man called Sttttiiiiinnng. With Cage showing off how good his waist would look with a belt hanging off of it. The Abysseer' black holed slam Sting into the Alpha Centarui star system. The reverb took Cage out of the match and gave Abyss the win and the time to take the tacks out of his back.

OUCH! That gotta hurt!

LAX showed they got the Mexican pride winning there match against America's Most Wanted. Since they won, LAX got to stand back and hear Homicide sing the Chicano national anthem as their flag along with Spanish announcer Moody Jack was raised to the rafters. I can already hear color guy Don West saying.. "Oh, this makes me sick!!" There, there eat a beanie baby Don, its Christmas.

Now Eric young winning a bikini contest, that's enough to make me sick. You think Young getting over for his retard routine makes Eugene pissed? It must, he beat up Hacksaw Jim Dugan. Hoooooooo, wffff... Other highlights included AJ Styles notching the debatable win over Rhyno, thus voiding the warranty on the War Machine. The fallen Angel keeping the X-Division title against Chris Saban with Jerry Lynn as the ref. Lynn would slap Daniels on the face in the end. Must be some form of X-Division , thank you.

In the celebrity fight club portion of the ppv, Chicago White Sox star AJ Pierzynski came to blows with St. Louis Cardinals' all around little guy David Eckstein, about the comments the world series MVP made in his new book "Have Heart". White Sox strength and conditioning coach Dale Torborg would grab the book and start ripping out the pages, screaming THIS IS NOT QUALITY LITERATURE!!! Thus beginning what may be one of strangest pier six brawls not to take place on a baseball diamond. Truly a black eye and peas for baseball, which gets a thumbs up from me.


Voodoo Kin Mafia still did not explain what Voodoo Kin Mafia means, but they did make some more fun of DX by coming to the ring dressed as HBK and Bud Light Man Law rep HHH. By calling them by there real names: Michael Hickenbottom (HBK) and Paul Levesque (you know!) you don't give them power! VKM then made a million dollar challenge to their former partners to fight them. Just who are they kidding, any two guys calling themselves the Voodoo Kin Mafia do not have a million dollars. So they reduced it to the 4.95 and some change challenge.

Highlight of the Week
At Turning Point, Kevin Nash sponsored the Paparazzi Championship Series which was won by Senshi scoring 5 points to Austin Starr - the Man from TV Land - 4 points due to some Alex Shelly interference. To make sure all the X-Division wrestlers were ready for the event, Nash put them through some rigorous psychological testing. Enjoy!

December to Not Remember at All

Man accidentally Orders ECW PPV, Reports are he's Pissed
South Plainfield, NJ - It was going to be an ordinary Sunday night for James Roberts. He had just finished watching 6 straight hours of football. He was awaiting his usual pizza deliverly order, and was going to polish off a great night with a viewing of some skin flick on Playboy PPV. That's when his night took a dark and sinister turn for the worst.

"I just um realized that I didn't order that Briana Banks movie, but order something called December to Dismember!!!!!"

Realizing his mental miscue, Roberts tried to undue the damage (and probably his pants) by calling the cable company to beg and plead them not to charge the astonishing 39.95 this event cost.

It was all for naught as the damage was done. Roberts trying to make the best out of bad situation tried to watch the heinous pay per view. He was left broken beaten and un-entertained. The only thing that could console him was the stale Taco Bell Chicken Quesdilla in his fridge.

The above story is a cautionary one, but it goes to show you most people would rather eat a stale ecoli drenched taco then to acknowledge the crap that was the ECW ppv.

Let's go to the breakdown chart:

Nope that's not good at all.

The ppv was highlighted with the introduction of the "extreme" elimination chamber, featuring "pods" holding weapons such as a chair, barb wired baseball bat, etc. This match was to feature the company's main talent such as the Sunday night heat players, RVD and the guy they just brought in from Smackdown cause they had an available pod for booking. Lashley fit that bill and he spent most of the match being locked in his pod.

Using his hulk like strength, Lashley broke from pod and beat up the only guy left in the ring, the Big Show aka the champ aka the giant aka the ogre guy in King Book ka's court on smackdown. Lashley then joined Batista in being the same wrestler to hold two different belts. By the same wrestler, I mean bodybuilder and talentless.

All this in under 2 hours and 15 minutes. WOW! That's like a episode of RAW without the Highlander match. To cap it all off the bookers decided to pull a bait and switch by giving Sabu the night off just cause, so that Bob Holly could be in the chamber. Why? Cause the people love race car drivers. I don't know!

It wasn't all bad. Fan favorite CM Punk was eliminated from the chamber in less than 3 minutes and the exhibition girl got a divorce from Mike Knox, when Knox left her high and dry in the ring. They made up the next night and he pulverize her for it again.

OK so it was all bad!

No doubt RAW can take away the taste of a ecoli flavored wrestling show out of mouth?

Nope

Just more of same with Umaga clashing with Cena after a masterlock challenge for the title, followed by the usual sight of DX acting like Jay and Silent Bob.

At least Kenny survived the Spirit Squad mailing scam of last week. He wanted to prove himself to Team Rated RKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, cause with just the two of them they are just powerful, but with Kenny they would be unstoppable!!!! He was right. Sort of? Together Kenny may have survived the eventual finishing move buffet he received from DX at the end of RAW.

Highlight of the Week

Due to December to Dismember being well god awful. The WWE dismissed Paul Heyman. Please note, Heyman did not book the PPV for he is only a TV personality. McMahon with pants fully around his ankles commented that the real elimination chamber is his board room. Zing!


Heyman security goons though are still fully employed and apparently faceless. Whew I was getting nervous there for a second.